Monday, July 30, 2007

An Exciting New Chapter

There has been so much change here in the last several months. One of the things about me is that I seem to thrive on change. One can be assured that I will have some new plan cooking up every 6-12 weeks. Motherhood suits me well in this aspect, as I am really engaged by the 'changyness' of my kids. They grow and learn at such a rapid rate that my whole life seems to shift frequently....and that is perfect for me.

Professionally, several really great things have happened in the last several months. I was finally awarded my undergraduate degree after much debate and waiting. Because I must reinvent myself habitually, I left my university studies to become a massage therapist back in 2002. There was a bit of a hiccup with my credits from massage school transferring back to my university. It was supposed to be seamless transition, but it ended up with my degree being in a 5 year state of stasis. I know am the proud recipient of my Bachelor's degree in Sociology!!! It feels a bit surreal and like a non-event. I may have to borrow a cap and gown and walk around my house for a few hours. It will probably feel more real once the 'piece of paper' arrives in the mail.

I also have completed my birth doula certification that I started in 2003. My best friend and doula partner has left her job and moved closer, in part, to pursue a doula practice together. It is so exciting to move forward with something I love so much with a friend who is equally as excited and passionate about serving women at such a special time in life.

I also ditched the bad massage gig I had going and am preparing to see clients out of my home. My sweet Big Daddy has been helping me get my new massage room ready with lots of painting, sanding, mad math skills, measurement, and hardware installation.. I have really always wanted to practice out of my home. One day I woke up and asked myself, 'why not?!'. It is really a great process to create my own work environment from scratch.

My diva child has been learning how to use the potty & is slated to start preschool this fall. I am enjoying the sweetness and simplicity of this summer with the knowledge that I don't really know what Autumn is going to hold for her or me. I know she will do well in preschool and that she is very ready, but I pause to sigh and wonder where her babyhood has gone.

My man puppy is a walking talking baby who has recently weaned at 14 months. His chubby baby feet and soft baby curls on the back of his head are the last little outward signs of his infancy. I have two little children now, no babies. I was happy to see him through 14 months of breastfeeding, a little relieved that it is finished, but with a very slight pang of 'oh, my baby is big now'.

All of our life changes are not limited to me and the kiddos. My husband is starting a new job in a few weeks that has been hard fought and greatly anticipated. It involves some minimal international travel and may offer us the opportunity to live in Europe some time in the distant future.

It is strange to have so many big life changes unfolding in a complimentary manner. Sometimes it is very clear when you are entering a very special phase of life. I have a strong feeling this is one of those times where things are just a little easier, a little sweeter, and very special.

Thursday, July 19, 2007

The slow transition from information overload to ignorance

I like to know what is going on in the world. In fact, I remember reading my grandmother's Newsweek magazines when I was as young as 9. I loved to try and make sense of the political world around me through the political cartoons and bullet point articles. From an early age there was a lot of talk radio, newspapers, TV news, and news magazines floating around my life. I would ask my gram lots of questions about current events. There was political debate in my home for as long as I can remember.

Maybe my long standing interest in the political world is why it feels so foreign for me to be so hopelessly uninformed at the moment. It's not that I decided one day to check out, it slowly happened.

My diva child is 3. She is sensitive, intuitive, and engaged with her surroundings. Nothing slips past her radar. By the time she was 1 or so, it became apparent that I could no longer watch the news when she was in the room. This was due to my own emotional reaction in addition to shielding her from the acutal content.

When Hurricane Katrina was slowly lumbering towards the Gulf coast I was in the first trimester of my pregnancy with Man Puppy and diva child was about 14 months old. I just sat there, jaw dropped and obsessed. Why weren't people leaving? Why wasn't anyone making them leave. Once the whole mess was underway I, like many people, just couldn't understand how in America the poor could be discarded and tossed aside for 'later'. I cried every time the news was on. I really couldn't take it in while growing a baby and caring for my other baby. The anger and sense of helplessness I had while just watching was overwhelming.

To a lesser degree, the daily news bristled me. I don't believe it is just motherhood that has softened me; I think the images of 'the news' have gotten more graphic, more raw...just more everything. So we really need to see the video of the convenience store clerk being shot in the face? (Oh but it's okay, because he survived, right??) Did we really need to see the actual video of a bomb exploding in the midst of a bunch of unsuspecting every-day folks going about their lives? How can these images be sandwiched between the latest starlet 'news' and the weather with only 5 seconds of a description to go with the gut wrenching images? Am I to then believe that daily life is just that much more dangerous?

I don't want to be undisturbed. I really don't want my children to become immune to such imagery. I don't want to see it. I want to be able to know what is going on without the assault of visual violence everywhere I turn.

There has to be a balance. While this has been the summer of blissful ignorance in our house, I feel the weight of responsibility to be informed.

Post your best on line news links! I need to shake this baby up.

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Great MD Appointment

What a complete relief. I had my appointment with the surgeon and she is sure that everything is **FINE**.

The stuff we were palpating is, apparently, just dense breast tissue. The calcifications that were found on the films were really normal, but we will follow up with more imagery in 6 months to make sure they aren't changing in a way that would cause concern. The lumps we could feel were not the calcifications. That was not clear to me after having the mammogram and ultrasound. That could have been because I was totally freaked out or it could have been because no one made that distinction.


Either way, I'm done. I am back to my carefree summer. I am so relieved to have the mental space back that the fear of the unknown was occupying.