So, I will be meeting with a surgeon in a week and a half. It is a second opinion of sorts. They will review the images and talk about what they feel is the best course of action here. The radiologist felt comfortable with a 6 month follow up of mammography and ultrasound. Having other physicians review the images and give their opinions can't be a bad thing.
It's still probably nothing. That being said, there is something in me that isn't normal and shouldn't be there and it is scary.
Nothing has changed. I am just going one step at a time. Admittedly, I hate throwing all of the stupid words around. I feel a bit like maybe I am sharing too much in my blog. I want to talk this to death, but I don't want to talk about it to just anyone.
It is a weird paradox. I am sure there are people who know me who are reading this stuff here and are hearing this from my blog. I really am fine. I just have to get this out somewhere where there isn't a lot of pressure or expectation about how I am supposed to feel about all of this.
On one hand I feel like I am over reacting. On the other hand, who isn't scared to death of words like: lump, breast tissue, mammogram, surgeon, breast cancer center.
I have to say I feel very fortunate that I am at least getting appointments in short order. I feel so ignorant and uninformed about the kind of procedures and doctor world I am walking into.
When I was pregnant I had the background of having been a doula, I knew all the words. I understood birth as normal. All of the reading I devoured added to what I had already experienced with other women. It was preparing for something joys and wonderful.
I am doing my best to step away from 'the google' for now. I want more information, but I am afraid of scaring myself shitless with worst case scenarios that I don't understand. I don't even know what to read or where to go other than where I have been referred.
I'm so out of my element and am hanging on to the 'its really probably nothing' with all that I have.
I am about 90% sure that it is nothing, but 10% of me is very afraid that it is something big, bad, ugly, and scary.
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11 comments:
Go easy on yourself, cause you are just doing your best, one step at a time. There isn't a wrong way to deal with this.
wow, sarah. sending lots of wishes for peace and calm your way as you navigate this.
Of course you feel this way. Oh my goodness you don't know me well but I wanted to send a hug and warmth anyway. Lots of support as you balance between the fear and positive thinking, the needing to talk and the needing to not say too much or out loud. I understand. Many positive thoughts to you.
Sarah, I've just read the last two posts at once. I went through this three years ago when I was pregnant with Mme L. It IS scary and it's hard to focus on the 90% likelihood of good news and yet gear up for the 10% likelihood of a challenging time ahead.
Take care of yourself, take care of your family and talk it out as much and as often as you'd like. If you need to chat, you know where to find me.
Wishing you peace.
Thank you for your warm wishes and positive thoughts. It really helps.
I am encouraged at this point. I swear I found another lump in the same breast today. I am leaning towards this being related to my nursing toddler slowing down and then tanking up....then slowing down the breastfeeding.
Thank you so much.
I'm thinking of you during your waiting period. I pray for peace of mind and a very positive outcome.
Oh Sarah! You are in my heart and prayers.
I will be thinking about you and the craziness that must be consuming your thoughts. (although maybe these few days later other things have crept into the mix) lots of love and peace your way.
Sarah (((hugs))) I couldn't read and not let you know I'm thinking of you...even more than I already do! Everything. Will. Be. Okay. It always is. Experience your feelings, acknowledge them as real and try to stay in that '90%'! ~Tami
Hey all....thanks for your warm wishes. I have been away this week on vacation.
there will be more bla bla blaaaahogging from me soon.
Blogging is a great way to release inner anxiety. Bossy has released enough to require blog-o-sphere Gas Masks. Good luck always.
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