What a month!

I feel like I have abandoned my poor fledgling blog. Thank you Julie for your comments and reminding me that I do, in fact, have a blog. (and apparently, a person or two who actually read it!)



For the last several months I keep saying how we are in the midst of so many changes. We really still are. It feels as though it has been a year of change. But I think I may just live like this all the time. Either way September was NUTS!



My husband has started a new job that entails some international travel. September brought Big Daddy to India. He was gone a full week which was the longest he has ever been away from me and the kids. It did result in some very cool presents.

In the middle of that I attended two births. I had taken these clients before Big Daddy had the new job. It would not have been my first choice to balance my husband's absence with being on call for two separate clients. But it all worked out. Somehow, the crazy details of my doula life fall into place at just the right time so that I can be physically and mentally able to serve birthing women.

Diva Child started preschool and has been doing very well. Minus the intentional peeing for mommy...you know going on the potty perfectly, as if she has been doing it her whole life, while at school and then actually saving some pee to go right outside the car door at pick up. Her ability to only wet her clothes and then finish on the potty is somewhat commendable. Thankfully, almost a month and a half later she seems to be tiring of this game.

The end of September brought a week of all things BIRTH. There was a lovely Red Tent Event that had women sharing personal birth stories. There was the folding of programs. Late nights talking about transparency in maternity care. How can we help women have the type of birth they want? The actual performances of the play were moving and beautiful.

Leading up to the play also brought together myself and 3 other amazing doulas to start a doula collective of sorts. We are 4 independent doulas who back one another up and support one another in our field. We are busy trying to make better connections with area hospitals, care providers, women's groups, and doulas. We all believe that women's birth experiences matter and that women should be supported in labor and birth if that is her desire.

With my new massage room I have been really working from home. It is a delight. I love it so very much. My clients from my old work space have made their way back and it is all working out.

So with all the newness...all the change, I am freaking out a little. I am quite happy but my body is very stressed out. I am a bit overwhelmed with the small things that add up to the whole. My work nuisances. As we all know, no job is perfect in every sense. There are always the dishes to do after the joy of creating the meal. It is the dishes type details that I am mired in. In my three roles: Mama, doula, massage therapist, I have been avoiding the 'dishes'.

You know what a house looks like when the dishes have sat in the sink for a week? It's not.good. My brain is filled with the clutter of things to do/things left undone. My home has weird back ups of laundry and sorting. I have just scads of paperwork calling to me for massage and doula business stuff.

So that, dear blog, is why I have put you aside. It is a self grounding for avoiding all that other stuff. However, I think maybe my mama self needs to ground mama sarita from on line asteroids.

Another Special Birthday

~~~Disclaimer: I can't figure out the stupid formatting for these pictures, so you will have to figure out the chronological order all on your own!~~~

Dear Diva Child,

Nothing has altered my life in a more significant way than your arrival into my being. From the moment I knew you were there I was forever changed. I knew you were my daughter. As I walked from the medical building on Sept. 11, 2003 back to my job, my hands instinctively went to rest on my not-yet-changed belly and I acknowledged you. I knew in that instant, when it was just you and me, that my heart would swell in joy and pride and would also feel the sharp needling pain that comes with the of loving of a child....my child, my daughter, my diva child. I couldn't believe I was pregnant! It was the best most delightful surprise of my life. I could hardly contain my excitement; I was sure that I was the luckiest person alive.

You are white hot. White like the hottest star. You and I share an intensity that creates a closeness that I hardly have words for. You read my mind on a daily basis. I think something, you say it out loud. I see the wheels turning in your head and understand you. I totally get that you need your socks just so. I know that you like to snuggle, but just not too close. When you say to me "I so sustrated!!!!!(frustrated) Hmph !" I also get that. I'm sure you picked that up from me.

Now that you are three I know that you need to venture out a bit more. I am ready, sort of. I think you feel the same. I know that is why you walk so close to the edge in everything. You need to be independent, and you need to know Mama is there, no matter what. Even when you so obviously cross the line with me.

Diva Child, I love you so much. Being my first born, I am riveted by just about everything you say and do. I love your spunk, your kindness, your clear sense of self. I love your snuggles and your deep connection to me. I love that, some days, you think you want to off me so that you can marry Daddy. I love that you squeal in delight when your father walks in the door each night. It has never unsettled me, it has always made me glad that you are also so connected and attached to Daddy. I am proud of what a wonderful sister you are to Man Puppy. Your tenderness and patience with him from the first moment has humbled me. Even now that he is only a pound lighter than you and pummels you as brothers do, you maintain a sweetness...even when he grabs those bouncy curls and yanks!

Thank you for turning my life upside down and making me your Mama. I have learned so much about myself through you and because of you. I could never have foreseen how wonderful my life as a mom could be.

With all of my heart,

Mama