This Summer has been a lot of things. Busy, fun, long, short, quiet, crazy and very special. I have had the sense, all summer long, that this was basically the last Summer of Diva Child's babyhood. She hasn't seemed like a 'baby' for a while now, but still she is my first baby.
In a week, Diva child will put on a special dress and new shoes and the two of us will trot off to her first day of nursery school. While I am delighted that she is going and I know she is ready I would be lying if I said this new thing isn't causing some trepidation in my heart.
As I have examined my conflicted feelings on this I have realized that we have been living in a very small, safe, innocent, and happy world together. Our family life is very happy. I take deep joy and delight in my family. I love mothering my kids, even when they are driving me up a wall. Our 'social life' is simple. We have a few close friends that we hang out with, but otherwise, we spend the bulk of our days together. So, in other (less flattering) words, I maintain a lot of control over my family right now. Not in controlling them, but in controlling their access to the big world 'out there'.
My kids just aren't exposed to a lot of the world. There are a lot of wonderful things out there in the big world. There are new friends, other caring adults who can encourage Diva Child's gifts, new experiences, new foods, classroom pets, arts and crafts and many many more things for a pre-schooler to encounter at school. But there are things that scare me...social structures that little children try on for size...rejection, injustice, materialism, high fructose corn syrup, bad words, adults that are hard and mean.
Now, before you all get the idea that my kids have never eaten high fructose corn syrup or that I have would never lose it or be overly harsh in a bad mommy moment....those are mine to own. They are my mistakes to make. I haven't yet handed either of my children over in this way to experience the world without me.
It is with excitement, nerves, and peace that I prepare my Diva Child for preschool. Oh the stories those teachers will have to tell....
Thank you to Karen and Julie who inspired me to post about this.
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4 comments:
sending them off is so happy/sad, hard/easy, relieving/worrying - all in a moment.
Yes, it is bittersweet, full of pros and cons. :)
This is so sweet and reminds me of this time with Patience.
Julie
Ravin' Picture Maven
Hubby and I were having this conversation just last night - Bub is still so innocent right now, so naturally polite and sweet. Not that he isn't also violent, tantrum-prone, etc. - but he is so unworldly, partly because of his language delay - the world just hasn't gotten in yet.
And it's like a physical pain, the idea of sending him off to preschool, where he'll never be all mine again.
Oh, yes! I have so many feeling rising up about these same things right now. We have until January before Peanut goes anywhere and really until next fall if we want. However, Peanut asks me all the time about school and I sense she is bored here with me and Sweatpea.
Yet, to send her off into the bigger world is so hard. She will love it I know, but I feel so conflicted.
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