Sometimes I think I am totally crazy. Why does every last little thing have to hit me so pointedly in the heart? Sometimes I observe the people doing life around me and think they have it way more together than myself. Stories of suffering, loss, sorrow...they give me a lump in my throat and an emptiness in my stomach that is usually reserved for the person who is actually suffering. I suppose this makes me empathetic, which is a quality I admire in others and wish away in myself.
When I was playing piano frequently, I found I could pour a lot of these feelings into music. Such a great outlet. In fact, my dear, sweet piano teacher knew this little tidbit about my personality and told me I wouldn't really want to be any other way.
Some days I wish I could live an ignorant little life content with what I have and unaware of the pain and sadness around me. Reading an especially sad blog entry or article or book can put me in a funk for days. Highly sensitive much?
I can run into people and see through a veneer of happiness to a level that I feel uncomfortable. It's like some strange superpower that I don't want. How do you start that conversation? 'So you seem so great, but how are you really? I can feel your loneliness from across the room?'
How to win friends and influence people....
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Thoughts from me on anything from our family to what it's like for me to be a mama, to how I think things should be.
Thoughts from me on anything from our family to what it's like for me to be a mama, to how I think things should be.
About Me
- Mama Sarita
- I am a Massage Therapist and Birth Doula. I am mama to Diva Child and Man Puppy; Wife to Big Daddy J.
5 comments:
Hi Sarah,
Thanks for this post, and for the comment you left me today. You were right - this is exactly what I was trying to say. I resonate with all of it, including pouring out into the piano (I've poured out whole years of my life into one passionate song or another) and feeling lonliness of others across the room.
All this was what I was trying to say when I blogged about my heart walking around and swallowing up the universe; its amazing that we wrote these posts on the same day - maybe we felt each other's melancholy across the blogsphere. :)
We should start a club. I could have written this post...only my outlet was always visual art.
I have definitely developed some methods of putting up shields to things that get at me so I can function...especially at this point in my life when I'm dishing out so much care to little ones. But I can feel those healthy boundaries sometimes become an unhealthy veneer too and then I don't feel authentic.
ugh, that's hard.
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