Interview Meme

Thank you to Karen for the challenging interview questions!!


1. What aspects of parenting do you believe impact you most profoundly, in ways that have changed your essential you-ness?

Motherhood, in general, has reshaped my essential 'me-ness'. I have become much more patient (shocking really, as I have a long way to go in that department). I have become more willing to surrender to moments...to find the joy in small things instead of always looking ahead to the next big thing. There is much happiness and joy in living in the moment. Even now, as I write this in the middle of my traaaashed living room I am savoring the quiet of my children napping at the same time! Little joys like this are no longer lost on me. I could be all annoyed and frustrated that I can't be doing xyz...but I have learned the art of choosing happiness. Some days I am better at that than others.

In an instant, I went from me to us. For almost the entire first year of my daughter's life I referred to her and me as 'us' as if we were one unit. I know when I got married that happened to a smaller extent. While we were linked together, there wasn't the same urgency of care that happened for me with marriage. Having a child completely uprooted my sense of solitary self. My first child holds that special place in my heart as far as having been the one to blaze a trail straight into my heart and mind. I don't mean this is a freaky creepy way...more in that I really have become a more selfless person...to my kids, to my husband, and really all around. I completely still take care of me and have my own identity, but I am always juggling the important needs of my family as well. I do so with a sense of love and joy (most of the time!) because of my shared investment in who they are and who they are becoming. I want to rearrange my life for my family and who they are as individuals. I don't know that I could have ever really foreseen feeling that way before I had children.

2. Conversely, what parts of yourself are so essential to you do you see unchangeable that no amount of baby poop, spilled sippy cups and cheerios dust could ever change?

I do have a tendency to have 'itchy feet'. I love to travel and explore new places and experiences. In motherhood, I think I am adventurous in offering my children new experiences. We haven't gone on safari or anything exotic like that, but I do things like take them out for Indian food with me. Lucky for me I have been blessed with non-picky eaters, so they usually are game. I have been able to reshape my expectations a bit. I used to always carry my passport with me in the off chance I could just go anywhere at a moments notice. Our adventures are more kid centered, but my love of travel and adventure is something I hope to impart to my kids and include them in at normal levels for their ages...oh yeah, and our income!

This question is so hard for me. I feel like I keep growing and changing all of the time. When I think of myself 10 years ago I see a much less self assured young woman who was a bit overwhelmed by all the opportunities ahead. I was so lonely. I have always been really feisty and full of adventure. The anchoring of my husband and family feels like a refuge that has allowed for me to really grow into myself while surrounded by love and safety. To me, it feels a lot easier to take on the world with your peeps at your side.

3. If you guys could take a break from the kids( of course leaving them in excellent hands &knowing for sure they would not be scarred by your absence), where would you go and why there?

Ah, Karen, you seem to know me so well. Thank you for taking the mental strain off of pretend worrying about my children's psyches.

My answer is probably going to be colored by the fact that I have been convalescing sick people since February. A beach anywhere in the Mediterranean sounds great. Eating some really good Greek food...exploring some ruins. Sunning myself like a lazy cat all day with the occasional break for swimming. That pretty much sounds like heaven to me. It also sounds awfully romantic.

4. What are the things you love/hate about message boarding vs. blogging? What ways do these similarities/differences influence how you choose to spend the limited amount of time we mommies have to ourselves?

There is one message board that I really love. It is mainly a mama message board. It feels like living in a virtual community of other mama. There is a wide range of people there...from totally crunchy to self proclaimed anti crunchies. What I like about Mama Drama in particular is that there is very little moderation. You say what you mean, and mean what you say. You have every right to be offended and say your piece...but everyone owns their own words. If you are obnoxious there people will call you on it, and fast. If you have insightful, interesting, and witty things to say, you will quickly become a 'regular'. It is a small board that has a pretty decent amount of traffic. People will thoughtfully respond to threads. There is a tremendous sense of community there.

I love blogs as well but find that I am more thoughtful with my posts and comments in the blogosphere. I think that is a general difference. There are several blogs I love to read but I sometimes get overwhelmed with keeping up with it all. Some of that may be familiarity. I don't participate in many message boards, I just have the one that I participate in regularly.

But there isn't as much participation pressure with blogs. I can read and read and read and read. I am often moved...and I do comment quite a bit. I tend to blog about a specific topic that I want to really write about. I usually write it more for me than anyone else.

In a message board I am more prepared to hear other perspectives...have people agree or disagree. So far, my wee little blog hasn't been the hotbed of controversy. I do love the comments. I like that people read it. So I don't know. I like blogs and message boards for the same reason. It is a connection and community. If I feel like doing something fast paced I go to the message board. If I am more in the mood to read and write, I go to the blogs.

I have found that people can be very scathing at message boards. I know that also transpires on blogs as well, but I just haven't seen it or experienced it to the same extent as on message boards. There is also the tendency of people to 'pack up their toys and go home' on a message board. Someone who has been participating for a long time suddenly get their panties in a wad and will post a big 'screw you bitches, I'm outta here, for ever, I swear it this time'....and then they try to sneak back in a week or two. I don't really love that. Either go down in flames and never go back, or cool yourself down, take an unannounced break and come back when you are over it.

I rarely get seriously worked up at a message board or blog. I like to debate, I like to think...but if I am genuinely angry I stop. This is supposed to be fun for me, not stressful. There is too much actual heartache out there...real broken relationships in peoples lives...for me to take a message board or blog to heart.

I have yet to see the big drama whoreish goodbye for ever post or comment on a blog.

5. Describe 3 factors in your life, from childhood onwards, that are currently influencing your major parenting choices (you know hot topics like attachment, breastfeeding and homeschooling or not...)

1) My own highly sensitive personality
I would say I fall into the 'highly sensitive' personality. I have always been very sensitive and have been marked as the most sensitive person in my own family of origin. I am probably the most sensitive person in my little family as well. Because of this I think the whole attachment parenting concept resonated with me. I really wanted to impart an unshakable connection between myself and my children by being closely 'attached'. The language of all of this is annoying to me because I think most people want these things. I wanted to lay a foundation of attachment so the kids could grow into independent adults who know and love themselves. I think the balance in this is allowing them to grow. Not to stifle their development by insisting on any set stuff....(babywearing, co-sleeping, breastfeeding being the big 3 of 'attachment parenting), but to use those good things and work with the child and what they need while balancing how it is all working for me as mama. As a new mom I felt very bound by an attachment 'code' of sorts. But as I have settled into this mama gig, I have become more kind to myself. My needs and tolerances are so important as well...All the babywearing in the world doesn't balance out a crabby, strung out, stressed out mama. So there really are no hard and fast rules here when it comes to child rearing philosophies.

2) I trust myself and my husband to make good parenting decisions
Given that we are both learning as we go along we know we are going to make mistakes. But I know we both love our kids so much and will make the best decisions for them as individuals. I hesitate to say that I will *never* homeschool. It isn't something that really gets me excited or speaks to my heart. But if it were in the best interest of one of my kids then I would totally consider it, research it, and give it a whirl. My kids are so little still, I hesitate to get too attached to how I think things should be or what life will be like. I have been really blessed with a pretty well behaved and compliant 2 year old. A lot of that has been her disposition. I would like to think we have done a good job teaching her as well, but man...its shaky ground when parents take all the credit. I don't wish to tempt fate or enrage mama's who have challenging kids by going there!!

3) I have high expectations
I have high hopes and expectations for my kids. I want to always encourage them to do their diva child and man puppy best. I want for them to find joy in the simple things of life while doing their best job; their own personal best. One doesn't need to compare themselves with so and so if you are just striving for your own best work. Be it in kindness, compassion, school work, sharing, a career...One doesn't have to be the brightest shining star in the universe to feel pride in giving it his or her all. I can lead an extraordinary ordinary life...with passion, love, joy...I hope that they will want that too. I believe that I parent them in a way that encourages them to do their best. I really recoil from the 'be the best of all' mentality. I don't want to set my kids up to feel like they will never measure up if they come in 'second'. I have seen really beautiful and talented people just loose their passion for life when they can't be 'first'. I would hate to see my children shy away from experiences or activities for fear of failure. So much living is lost that way.


So, the answers to #5 feel kind of esoteric and abstract...but I'm just gonna run with it.